Mentorship

Spending time with high performance professionals and entrepreneurs is one of the most meaningful aspects of my vocation. Yesterday, I was invited to be a sounding board for a social enterprise run by two uniquely agile, passionate, and intelligent young leaders. Here’s a confession: at the beginning of the discussion, I wondered what I really have to offer. I don’t know if other mentors feel this way, and if they do, whether they’d be willing to admit it. Anyway, this is not false humility - I know the my seniority signifies a certain wisdom. But I often feel like the professional journey I’ve been on is so unusual, my various roles so oddly diverse, that my experiences won’t be relatable or useful. 

So it never stops surprising me is how joyfully easy it ends up being when we override the mentorship cliches and simply connect as peers, as people aspiring to do something more with our lives. Mentoring, for me, is not about being a skilled expert. We work in a world where change steadily accelerates. The relevance of most “expert” skillsets has a sell-by date not too far off from the contents of my fridge, so I am somewhat dubious of the concept of expertise. 

Experience, on the other hand, is something that grows more valuable over time. Sadly, we don’t always recognize the value of our own experiences. After all, they are simply a part of us. It’s only when I am mentoring, responding to questions and challenges that indeed I have confronted before, that I begin to feel the authentic value of the ups and downs of a complicated working life. 

I used to think that mentoring is about passing along effective techniques so that others can achieve near-certain victory. Perhaps I’m splitting hairs here, but I’d call this managing. Sharing winning formulas is very gratifying. You get to enjoy the warm feeling of re-living those achievements that went well. Yay for me and hopefully for you too.

However, no one I mentor has ever brought up questions about how I was successful on this project or that. The counsel that mentees typically seek from me is around navigating tricky, murky challenges. Stuff that involves significant emotional complexity. Risk itself is emotionally complex. It requires us to overcome our very nature. So I’ve been reflecting today on how personally transformational it can be to be a mentor. Mistakes, failings and stressful times from my past become gifts to someone else’s future, increasing the odds that others will not stumble where I once did. It makes good out of bad. Which is why I believe that the mentoring relationship is a two-way street, a growth experience for both people. 

If you’re not a mentor, I encourage you to start! And if you are looking for one, let me know.